I don’t like not racing. I’ve been sort of sick for the last week or so and sat out the race today and I didn’t finish the race last week. I don’t know what’s wrong with me; I may have overtrained and now need a break — I rode very hard two weekends ago and may not have let myself recover sufficiently. Or I may be fighting off a virus, or something like that. I’m not sure. But my heart rate is unusually high and I feel weak and tired. I’m not good at backing off the exercise — all last week I wasn’t feeling quite right, but I ignored it and rode a couple times and did a lot of walking and some vigorous yoga. Maybe I’m in need of a real, serious break.
Anyway, while I generally like watching bike races, I don’t like watching them when I’m not able to ride myself. The riders look like they are having so much fun and the pack looks so pretty gliding around the course that I really want to join them. I went to the race this evening to watch Hobgoblin ride, and that was fine, I like watching him ride, but it’s also a reminder that I’m not able to do it myself. Other racers ask me why I’m not racing, and I have to explain, and a couple of them told me that they weren’t feeling well themselves but decided to race anyway — which was not exactly fun to hear. And then I listen to my teammates discuss the race afterward, and they are so full of adrenaline, having so much fun dissecting the dynamics of the race, and I’m jealous. Mostly, though, I’m annoyed because my training is all messed up, and I don’t know when I’ll feel like training again.